agony has no color except black and white

All doubts confirmed.

They are real and not just crocodiles on my mind. They are women who took him away from me and left me miserable and so much bitter now. I am not afraid to admit that my invincible heart is bleeding. I do not want to doubt the words, "I love you."

I believed in everything he said. But, there he was with her, holding her hands while watching the movie that I long to watch with him. He texts her lovely quotes and caring lines, while I get cursed and maligned. He went to church with her, while I had been asking him countless of times to at least pray with me. Perhaps, he makes sure she is home safe and I get to trudge dark sidewalks, almost drowning in my fears - alone.

Many nights, I lay in our bed smelling only what is left of his soiled shirt. While she gets to have him whole, and maybe, all night long. Often, I have to beg for kisses and embraces, while he might voluntarily give a warm hug when they are in some cold, dark place. All those nights, I am killing my dreams.

No happy childhood memory could serve comfort to my wailing heart.