Tuesday, January 29, 2008

mad girl's love song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

by Sylvia Plath


For Melody, who's mad as ever...but a girl? That's better left in question. Hehehe!Just kidding my dear Melody fair...you are just more man that those substance abusers who couldn't even face their fears. Go girl. Sing the maddest love song, for I know in the end, you will have the loudest laugh.


Monday, January 28, 2008

candyman on the loose

"Nothing stings more than to strain your lungs away to sing to someone who wants to sing your song to someone else."

-a text message fron Tonette, 12:57am, 29th January 2008

(Sharing half of the camera with Tonette)


To those who were fooled
by his sweet talk and caring gestures:

You are not alone.
We are all victims of the truth
that he is such a conqueror.
And we have made ourselves
qualified for seduction...
voluntarily.

Here's the deal fellas:
he would bloat your stomach,
levitate your heart
and creep into your pants.

He will do all these
as fast and furious as he can,
because tomorrow
he will be gone.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

just this


Yesterday, i had the worst day and the best cry. It was an extraodinary day, indeed, because it will never happen again. I never felt drowned and floating at the same time. I was just - heartbroken.

Friday, January 18, 2008

looking alike

Just trying my luck of finding my long lost siblings!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

dying of stiff neck


Ugh. My neck hurts like hell! Perhaps, I am still adjusting to the waves of the waterbed. It's theraputic but just like all others, it needs a little getting used to. Perhaps, I will feel its comfort - soon.

Been eating a lot of pork lately...too early for hypertension...

10 Things to do before I die:

1. Keep my things in order.
2. Compile all my pictures in my PC in one folder - in memory of me...or make my own slideshow.
3.Arrange my funeral theme - make it magical and enchanting.
4. Have a complete family dinner.
5. Get my dogs lots of shampoos and leashes until they come of age that they do not destroy their leashes anymore, and walk them during my last 10 remaining nights.
6. Have a fun party with my friends.
7. Hair extensions and nail art.
8. Read a romance novel.
9. Body spa.
10. Fall in love.

He he he! Just kidding. There's a lot more, and one lifetime won't be enough.

catharsis

Hmmnnn...my recent few entries were all about my whinings about love, work and life. There are just a lot of evil spirits lurking around. Now, I have a lot to be happy about.

Finally, I am a proud mom to a bouncing baby boy!

I didn't know it was going to be a boy. I labored for him at an auction in the mall. When I finally held him in my arms, my dreams of having my own were fulfilled. He is the cutest!

Say hi to my newborn baby monkey kong, "Nonoy".

Me and my baby boy, Nonoy.


Nonoy with Tonet's baby girl, Lowlah...sweet, isn't it?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

rising star

All the while I thought, only women are so fond of gossips. But I was proven wrong by four d***kheads in my workplace. Why do they have to pry so much about my life when I don't even care about theirs? They must hate me so much, because I choose non-faggots. Perhaps it is their way to feed their children and buy their women and men clothes. How aweful...all their lives, they had to sell their goodness to survive.

Oh, these desperate wannabe's rely on the illusion and comfort that drugs could provide. That's why I became a controversy. To them, i am a shining star.

Sorry, boys. I prefer men with dollar accounts.

stealing Casanova

By the fair leather he sits,
deep in his thoughts.
Numbering his countless conquests
in bewilderment and steamy nights.

Late in the afternoon
I loved him in candid.
His strides - took control
of the world, of my heart.

More than power, more than wealth
his nose in its aquiline tilt;
Bashing lashes and gentle words
so perfect a timing when he held
my hand.

He posed to be only a quarter
of the man that I dream
But with the crunch in his laughter,
I become his concubine.

He lives his record
of twenty women kept
in twenty apartments,
and here i am:

aiming to dwell in twenty-first.

How i wish he speaks in French
or something more foreign
so that i will fail to hear
the hypnosis of his sweet talk.

But he speaks my language
and sings my song before me.
Availed himself for my grasp
when all else is dark and the road
seemed endless.

Even if I curl myself into a ball,
He would seduce, tease and tantalize
but leave me in torment

for this Casanova
will never be mine.

stealing Casanova

By the fair leather he sits,
deep in his thoughts.
Numbering his countless conquests
in bewilderment and steamy nights.

Late in the afternoon
I loved him in candid.
His strides - took control
of the world, of my heart.

More than power, more than wealth
his nose in its aquiline tilt;
Bashing lashes and gentle words
so perfect a timing when he held
my hand.

He posed to be only a quarter
of the man that I dream
But with the crunch in his laughter,
I become his concubine.

He lives his record
of twent women kept
in twenty apartments,
and here i am:

aiming to dwell in the twenty-first.

How i wish he speaks in French
or something more foreign
that i will fail to hear
the hypnosis of his sweet talk.

But he speaks my language
and sings the song before me.
Availed himself for my grasp
when all else is dark and the road
seemed endless.

Even if I curl myself into a ball,
He would seduce, tease and tantalize
but leave me in torment
For this Casanova will
never be mine.

Monday, January 14, 2008

dreaming of distant comfort

This had been another rough day. I woke up as early as 6.30 am and had been awake ever since. It's Monday, and as usual, it was manic. I had to toss whatever I could pull out from the closet into my tote. I had to bring some clothes to the pad because I am anticipating a really hectic work week.

I was correct. Monday, indeed, started busy. I had a lot to cope with, since I just came from a one-week escapade. So i have to face the consequences of my absence. I am praying that tomorrow everything will be alright.

Boracay, is it too far away?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

agony has no color except black and white


All doubts confirmed.

They are real and not just crocodiles on my mind. They are women who took him away from me and left me miserable and so much bitter now. I am not afraid to admit that my invincible heart is bleeding. I do not want to doubt the words, "I love you."

I believed in everything he said. But, there he was with her, holding her hands while watching the movie that I long to watch with him. He texts her lovely quotes and caring lines, while I get cursed and maligned. He went to church with her, while I had been asking him countless of times to at least pray with me. Perhaps, he makes sure she is home safe and I get to trudge dark sidewalks, almost drowning in my fears - alone.

Many nights, I lay in our bed smelling only what is left of his soiled shirt. While she gets to have him whole, and maybe, all night long. Often, I have to beg for kisses and embraces, while he might voluntarily give a warm hug when they are in some cold, dark place. All those nights, I am killing my dreams.

No happy childhood memory could serve comfort to my wailing heart.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

misses

I missed blogging! It had been quite a while. Of course, I went somewhere...hehehe! I just had a little break from work and enjoyed post holiday shopping.

Soon to blog more!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

"hush now... dear Marie," says unfortunate me

It's cold. I cannot stay long in my terminal because of the cold. Although, I've got my denim jacket, I am still chilling. I would rather stay out there in the lobby where it is a little warm and smoky.

For the past two days, I have been feeling skeptical. Not only feeling. In fact, advocating skepticism. Is it a hangover of the season, or I just could not accept entirely, that again, I am being taught my lesson the hard way.

Pehaps, I needed a little warmth - little reassurance that I am being loved and somehow not being denied, even to people who already know.

Marie and were talking about some uncertainties. I am so sorry my dear friend. I didn't mean to be so mean, and leave you hopeless. I should be telling you that on Sunday, you are going to be alright. But instead, I have been blurting out my own hurts and disappointments. It just so happened that we have the same, "different" plight. It is me who's currently being disillusioned.

We are both afraid of the same things - to be laughed at when left. Simply because when we pledged our so-called love, we are so proud of it. And it was a good thing that Hec, too, is proud of your relationship. He never claimed that he is single when you are around. :-( It was never a one-way honor.

My dear friend, it's not gonna be long and all of these will come to rest. Though Sunday holds a possible misfortune, just think about those kisses and embraces amidst the crowd. You have all the reason to hold on.

Just two steps behind, girlfriend!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

drink moderately

"To see the best side of others is a great gift."
-St. Marie Eugenie Milleret, Foundress of the Assumption

From silence, I have learned so much. It taught me things that I need not hear. My new year was quiet - but i did not miss the fireworks.

This year has a lot to offer, but what have I got for the year? Give up smoking? I have given that up...well, somehow I still steal intimate moments with the butt. C'mon, total abandonment is never easy. Be a vegetarian? I don't want to be a hypocrite, but i am no herbivore. Of course, I try. I will never give up on something that would be beneficial to my health. How about shopping? With the scarcity of time and funds, that would leave me choiceless. Had that change of heart long before my five-figure monthly income dropped down to four.

Perhaps, take it easy on myself. Be less stringent with myself and do not expect that I could change the unchangeable...like, give up after three trials. Be a little late, and do not wait in vain for those who always are. Keep being apathetic to those who does not, in anyway, contribute a little to my life. Have started it before the end of the year, so I just have to carry it on. Don't try too hard. Do what I got to do and stop going the extra mile, its just tiresome.

Been striving for excellence since time immemorial. Unreasonable, though. There are only a few gifted people who could have a hint of my best. Everyone's trudging the sidewalk. I better join them, too.

Love in a safe mode. Whew! This one I have to hit my real stubborn heart - real hard.