payday mayday!

Kung hei fat choi!

At last! I am done with my payday task. Everyone's got their pay now. As usual, I did a lil explaining on some disputes...

I hope to have less of this in the coming year.

Happy New Year!

mad about il divo: the man i love

I have always been a classic.

Here's the English translation of Il Divo's "The Man You Love". Sounds good in Spanish, and I die everytime I read it in English.

If you look at me
you will find love in my eyes
you are my other half
I will give you all myself
without fear of making mistakes
I believe in you and
I will leave in your hands my illusion
I want to be in your heart
I want you to love me the way I love you

I only want to be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't want to change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

I want to be the place where you can shelter
your fear and quieten your anxiety in my arms
from today I'll be everything for you
until yesterday I dreamt of you
and now you're here
I want to know your secrets
I want to find out your dreams
I want to love you this way

I only want to be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't want to change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

I only want to be the man
to give you everything I can
every day and every night
love you for all my life.
I don't want to change the world
as long as you're my girl
it's more than enough,
just to be the man you love.

Just to be the man you love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAXIMUS!!!
May all your wishes come true - remember, good things come to those who wait. You will be granted all the desires of your heart. Just keep the faith.

waiting for ash

Staggered sleep. My mind is still cloudy from installment dreams. I had to go to the office for the my Australian Account training, but i guess, we have to cancel the mock calls for today. My beloved client wasn't able to go online since this morining, and of course, I have been standing by for that. All my communication lines are open, but he was not able to keep in touch. Perhaps he had gone clubbing again and forgot that he had a schedule with us today.

Anyway, what can I do? This my job. The job that I love so well. All these time, I had my world revolving around my job. I got everything here. I am enjoying what I do. Despite all the trouble and countless other disputes, we have each other, and we are happy.

This year, we hope to get more accounts, grow both in revenue and manpower. I have a vision for my company. One of them is having and enjoying our employment benefits.

Live, work, play.

boys are toys

“A man who fools a woman is like a fool who spits at the heavens. His spit never reaches the sky. It only comes back to his face.”

It is not so “me” to watch teleseryes. I did not happen to have a choice when I didn’t have work one night and my sis and the rest of my cousins were watching such. Of course, I wanted to spend some time with them, so I had to get into their world. There I was in front of the boob tube expecting a lot of boredom and avoiding critical thinking. I volunteered to go downstairs to get some chips and chocolates and let them stay in tuned, not minding if I miss a scene. When I got back, skeptical thoughts are running on my mind when I saw one of the characters crying in bed. Then, her bedmate (another girl, of course) holds her in comfort and said “…dapat kasi ipunin na natin ang mga luha natin at lunurin na natin ang mga lalaking ‘yan…”

Somehow, she is right.

We live in androgyny. Everything about men is misery. They’re only gonna do us dirt.They are gonna kiss us and make us cry. They are gonna leave us hanging every moment. They are gonna lie. They are gonna fool around and make us go mad. They are gonna give us what we want, but not what we really need. They are gonna take everything and be unreachable (as in…”the subscriber cannot be reached”…low bat? Aw, c’mon!).

I am the first born. My dad was honest enough to tell me that he was disappointed I am a girl. He wanted a son for an eldest. At first, I used to get mad, because there are times that I could not get what I want or do what I want because he would take reasons against my gender – e.g. staying out late at night or going to the movies alone…blah, blah, blah! I got even furious when he told me that I could’ve done a lot more it I were a he. I proved him otherwise, and we have come to terms with this. When I was old enough, he told me the real reason why he would rather have me as a son. For him, it is a great responsibility and a challenge to raise a girl-child.

Being my father’s child, I could be identified more of him than my mom. We are both passionate about movies and old songs. He is into art and books as much as I am. He was the one who read me my bedtime stories and taught me my ABC’s. It with his strict guidance that my penciled hand learned how to write. I owe my dexterity to all of his encouragement and pride. For a while, he was the only man in my life…as he always will be. Most of all, it was with him that I learned all that was written on the third paragraph of this prose.

But my learning about men, did not end there, of course. Not just because I wanted to be fair or avoid getting stoned to death by the members of the castrated species, but because as a woman and I am an incomplete man. There are just times that they are more fickle and unpredictable as we are. They are faced with make or break choices. When they hurt the person they love, their pain is doubled. Just like we are, they loose themselves, too.

There is even no need to drown them in our tears, because they drown in theirs.

I am not a man hater. Rather, a struggling lover. I am just trying to know them so well.

the devil doesn't have to wear prada

Party, party, party!!! GMCI Christmas 2007...Looking forward to a brighter 2008!

Christmas was great. Aside from having two or more days off from work, it is a season when all everyone thinks about is to share and care, not only about themselves, but most importantly, others. It is the time when every one seems to be sooo…kind (hmmnn…I just hope that it’s gonna be this way for the rest of the year). I was able to keep in touch with my family and friends, and having ample time to do so is a blessing to me.

Getting away from the afternoon boredom, I watched “The Devil Wears Prada” for the Nth repeats, at the same time crimping my hair. It annoyed me more to see the models’ and Anne Hathaway’s hair rebonded! I should have had my hair fixed a month ago, but no hair stylist would dare touch it, even if I sign a waiver. Gosh, you should have seen how I begged and get mad at all the beauty salons I came into. Beauty salons are supposed to be like a hospital – they should have emergency measures for dying beauty…like my frizzy hair. I cannot stand another bad hair day. But what can I do? It’s my fault anyway. I was the one who shampoo colored my hair three months ago, which is a mortal sin for a hair that is regularly being chemically treated. I had to wait for another two months before I could get it fixed. Yes, can you believe it? TWO months in agony. I had to get by each day, taking some of my sleeping time fixing my mane with a hair iron, and never leaving without my leave on conditioner.

Moral lesson? Beauty has a price. Not necessarily monetary. Not everything about looking good is being stupid. They say that life is fair because those who are pretty are born to be stupid. This is how the dumb blondes came to be. Yes, there may be a great number that counts on this proportion, but the effort to look good is just as tedious as doing good. To think that not all ugly people are kind, either.

Therefore, the search for BEAUTY is endless. It wraps you whole. It is not defined by one’s façade alone, but the totality of one’s character. It goes along with the person who is imperfect – a person, who makes mistakes, cries over it, regrets, picks up the pieces, smiles, forgives, shares and loves every time s/he can. There is no bitterness in a beautiful person. Instead, there is so much hope for the future and an anchorage on reality.

Soon, it is gonna be a new year, and a lot of beautiful things await me. Looking back on the year gone by, I have lived a pretty gorgeous life. I am surrounded and loved by the most beautiful people that I know of.

no wish list

Often, I make my wish list months before Christmas time. It's only a few hours and it's already Christmas eve and I realized that I don't have one for this year. I have nothing to wish for, anyway. There are things that I needed, but I know that in time I will have them all - and it does not necessarily have to be there by Christmas...they will come all year long.

What I have now, is everything that I want. I've got the best of friends and a loving family...what else could I ask for.

Most of all, "you" know how happy you make me.

-Picture taken after Rina and I gatecrashed at a private party...swear! we didn't know that it was exclusive, really! Niwang na ko...yahooo!!!

yuletide corner

It's past one in the morning and I had to get to the office fast. I sped up my pace to keep up with the distance that my little steps are running. I was not feeling so well. The chill of Christmas gives me a floating feeling as I trudge through the busy Jaro Plaza.

When I was working in Manila, I had a hard time going to work. I live in the south and go to work in the north. It takes me three hours of travel to and from work. Taking a car would mean parking fee, driver's food and compensation and gas. If I would take the bus and get off at Farmer's Center, I would have to walk all the way to SM Cubao, where I would again, take a cab or a jeepney bound to Libis - and there I go, Eastwood City!!!

Christmas of 2004 was one of those unfortunate times that I had to go to work. Having only been regularized, I had no choice in my schedules. I had to work at 3am at Christmas and for the first time in 25 years, I was away from my family and my hometown. I felt like I was breaking down. (If not for the holiday double pay and the bi-monthly bonus, I would not oblige of course.)

Taking my usual route from the Farmer's Center, I was soaked in my own pain. My steps were heavy and I was dragging myself with the monetary value of my work attendance as a mantra. I was halfway the cab terminal when I heard a littl girl's laughter. She was laughing so sweet. I looked closer in the Fiesta Carnival area. I saw where the laughter was coming from. A family of four taking the opportunity to enjoy the carnival rides for free - minus the lights and the mobility. Seeing them that way, I hurried my pace and got a cab. When I got to work, I called my own parents and gave them my warmest Christmas greetings.

Perhaps, there are times when people doesn't have to be together. And sometimes, we have to sacrifice our need for togetherness to be able to get the best things in life. We can't have it all, I guess. At least we have to thankful for what we have.

We have all the reasons to be merry this season.
Merry Christmas!

listen to what i am not saying

To refuse an offer is an insult.

Yeah, right. Lately, I have been getting a lot of these...not the offers. Puts my patience to the test, but my spirit in condemnation of waking up. Nowadays, it is but necessary to think a thousand and twice before offering any kind of caring. It is more than an insult to be driven away by the people you care about (...please, am trying so hard to be skeptical...). Damn, it hurts like hell.

I do not give up just like that. Often, I am passive because I hate arguments, but it doesn't mean that I do not feel unappreciated. I am more sensitive than I apparently am. I may have less demands, but it does not mean that I am not needy. Most especially, when I am silent it does not mean I do not have anything to say.

Hearing almost the same things from a friend, I have come to a conclusion: you will never know what you have, unless you loose it.

time trapped

"Waste not time searching for happiness.
Freeze frame time,
Still the moment, and observe the happiness
that already surrounds you."

It's a Sunday! I have fallen asleep as though, I have rested in peace. Therefore, I have missed the first of the nine Morning masses. Traditionally, if i would not be able to have a complete attendance of the masses, I make it a point to attend the first day. Aside from this, it is also my mom's birthday. (Happy Birthday, MOM! I love you - you're the best!)


Yesterday, i was so pissed off. I was counting on the auto save feature of this site. It failed me. I was fininshed writing my blog and did the usual - clicked the "publish now" and viewed my page. Only to find out that I have published an empty page. No matter how I tried to track the stuff that i have written, only blank spaces appear. What does it say? There are things in life, that once lost, they could never be recovered.


Actually, there are a handful of them. Time leads them all.


When time is lost, everything in every moment follows. The laughter, the tears and the touch. It will leave you in wonder of the memories and what-could-have-beens. There are just a lot of things to do and time is not enough. It makes us seize the moment. There are no auto save features to rely on.


I have wondered in the many what-could-have-beens in my life. There are lot of things that I let go with time, thinking that it will only pass me by without leaving a void in my heart. I just have to make the most out what is now, because tomorrow it will be yesterday.

los sentimientos de mujeres afligidas

...in the wee hours of the morning, with a dear friend and with no man by your side: here is what happens...

(with Tonette at Coffeebreak-JP)

Two bitter, heartbroken women
sat by a tree.
Everyone around them seems to be
happy.
Three lovers annoyingly paired
Of the sweetest emotion
they were the only ones spared.
Sipping foamy capuccino
and creamy latte,
Eyes wandering,

their hearts-

each asking:

why love isn't with
me?

i can be the famine or the feast

silverscreen on my mind

"I have felt alone all my life, except with you..."

-Lucilla to Maximus, Gladiator

Perhaps, the lines were memorized.

Memories in dimlight were never tarnished,
even if it is being gone over
a million times.
The scenes were viewed in the mind, frame...
by frame.
For many years, this had been
the only way.

Call this a stroke of luck
or a conspiration of destiny,
it is still
a rare chance to have - for both.

(Thank you Diane for your photography and eye for beauty. I fell in love with this picture immediately.)

friendship

And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.


-Kahlil Gibran

gladiator

"I have not forgotten your face,

I still remember your hands;

how did your lips feel on mine?"

Recalling.

As of now that is all i could count on. But I am elated by the long stored love. All the while, I thought I was only assuming. Cried tears in silence, hoping I could set it aside. Nobody knows it, but me. Just like the knight that you are, you knocked me over.

You have traveled far, fought your battles and conquered sand castles. Here I am left battling my own fears, too. We were made beautiful by fate and distance.

I will see your armor, shining from afar.

dishwashing waterloo

Over time, I had to battle with one of the things that women (men say) are made for: washing dishes!

My parents used to train us doing household chores when we were younger. They would assign a dishwasher at the certain time of the day. And I always end up getting dinner time as my share. Of all the meals in my family, dinner is the only meal where we are mostly complete. So that means, there are more dishes to wash. I used to argue about this - but to no avail...because I'd be in school at lunch time, anyway.

I don't know, but there is something about this chore that I just do not like. I would prefer doing the laundry, than getting soaked in the sink. So, I am thinking of saving up for a dishwashing machine. Thank you, for technology has a way of saving me from my misery.

On second thought, it must be expensive. I had to make a choice between two pairs of class A Prada immitation shoes, or the machine that would end my whinings. Whew! Tough one. But I guess, I had to take advantage of the footwear.

I could always moisturize my hands, anyway...or insist on fastfood and paper plates. :-)

the dissection of psyche

"Love and Soul : had sought, and after some trials found each other. And that union can never be broken." -Hamilton

She was a mortal, with an immortal beauty. Envied by her kind, she is lusted by men. Aphrodite loathed her and she was scorned. More than anything else, she was a lover. She was was mistaken, she was hurt, she was tested.

She was real.

It was in college that I first came upon the synopsis of the Cupid-Psyche story. I was too busy with the other Olympian dieties to really concentrate on them. It was only until recently that I was able to delve deeper into what she had to go through...that made her all deserving to be exalted right beside her beloved.

When she married her so-called monster of a husband, she accepted her fate. And in darkness she savored the tender loving of the invisible beast. She's got all that she needed but she is deprived from seeing him. This is blind faith - believing beyond reasons. A requirement in relationships, that at one time or another, each of us has failed to submit into.

The heart is what makes us human. Because it is restless, she discovered that she wanted more than just what she already has. Wanting to go far beyond feeling his caresses, she had to see him. As upon first sight, she lost him. She violated his trust and thus, causing things to come in between them.

In search for the love that she once lost, she had to undergo ardous tests from Venus (ugh, in-laws! Even the mythologies, describe them exactly the way they really are!). Fortunately, fate was kind enough to provide her with the armaments in all her battles. It was her will to find Cupid that got her through. Love, indeed, finds a way.

And the most important part is, when they reunited, they have forgiven. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. It forgives and learns...and never stops forgiving until the other learns.

Psyche means "soul". Just like her, the human spirit is restless, blindly trusts in love, endures hardships and forgives offenses.

It is real.

penniless rich

After four months, I have finally written.

Obviously, I will have more time for this. I now have the leniency of putting my mind into this emotional litterbox.

Speaking of this abundance of idle moments, I have thought about what awaits me. I am technically jobless and at the mercy of my dexterity. Perhaps, this loss is necessary. There must be a gain that fits. At corners of my mind, i kept on seeking for it. I was not able to find any that would suffice the culmination of a routine.

When I looked into my heart, indeed, i have found.

There he is, laying asleep beside me. At peace with my embrace. Adrift into a dreamful slumber. I stare in contentment. I await for those bashing eyelashes to wake...and my kisses are saved.