yuletide corner

It's past one in the morning and I had to get to the office fast. I sped up my pace to keep up with the distance that my little steps are running. I was not feeling so well. The chill of Christmas gives me a floating feeling as I trudge through the busy Jaro Plaza.

When I was working in Manila, I had a hard time going to work. I live in the south and go to work in the north. It takes me three hours of travel to and from work. Taking a car would mean parking fee, driver's food and compensation and gas. If I would take the bus and get off at Farmer's Center, I would have to walk all the way to SM Cubao, where I would again, take a cab or a jeepney bound to Libis - and there I go, Eastwood City!!!

Christmas of 2004 was one of those unfortunate times that I had to go to work. Having only been regularized, I had no choice in my schedules. I had to work at 3am at Christmas and for the first time in 25 years, I was away from my family and my hometown. I felt like I was breaking down. (If not for the holiday double pay and the bi-monthly bonus, I would not oblige of course.)

Taking my usual route from the Farmer's Center, I was soaked in my own pain. My steps were heavy and I was dragging myself with the monetary value of my work attendance as a mantra. I was halfway the cab terminal when I heard a littl girl's laughter. She was laughing so sweet. I looked closer in the Fiesta Carnival area. I saw where the laughter was coming from. A family of four taking the opportunity to enjoy the carnival rides for free - minus the lights and the mobility. Seeing them that way, I hurried my pace and got a cab. When I got to work, I called my own parents and gave them my warmest Christmas greetings.

Perhaps, there are times when people doesn't have to be together. And sometimes, we have to sacrifice our need for togetherness to be able to get the best things in life. We can't have it all, I guess. At least we have to thankful for what we have.

We have all the reasons to be merry this season.
Merry Christmas!

listen to what i am not saying

To refuse an offer is an insult.

Yeah, right. Lately, I have been getting a lot of these...not the offers. Puts my patience to the test, but my spirit in condemnation of waking up. Nowadays, it is but necessary to think a thousand and twice before offering any kind of caring. It is more than an insult to be driven away by the people you care about (...please, am trying so hard to be skeptical...). Damn, it hurts like hell.

I do not give up just like that. Often, I am passive because I hate arguments, but it doesn't mean that I do not feel unappreciated. I am more sensitive than I apparently am. I may have less demands, but it does not mean that I am not needy. Most especially, when I am silent it does not mean I do not have anything to say.

Hearing almost the same things from a friend, I have come to a conclusion: you will never know what you have, unless you loose it.

time trapped

"Waste not time searching for happiness.
Freeze frame time,
Still the moment, and observe the happiness
that already surrounds you."

It's a Sunday! I have fallen asleep as though, I have rested in peace. Therefore, I have missed the first of the nine Morning masses. Traditionally, if i would not be able to have a complete attendance of the masses, I make it a point to attend the first day. Aside from this, it is also my mom's birthday. (Happy Birthday, MOM! I love you - you're the best!)


Yesterday, i was so pissed off. I was counting on the auto save feature of this site. It failed me. I was fininshed writing my blog and did the usual - clicked the "publish now" and viewed my page. Only to find out that I have published an empty page. No matter how I tried to track the stuff that i have written, only blank spaces appear. What does it say? There are things in life, that once lost, they could never be recovered.


Actually, there are a handful of them. Time leads them all.


When time is lost, everything in every moment follows. The laughter, the tears and the touch. It will leave you in wonder of the memories and what-could-have-beens. There are just a lot of things to do and time is not enough. It makes us seize the moment. There are no auto save features to rely on.


I have wondered in the many what-could-have-beens in my life. There are lot of things that I let go with time, thinking that it will only pass me by without leaving a void in my heart. I just have to make the most out what is now, because tomorrow it will be yesterday.

los sentimientos de mujeres afligidas

...in the wee hours of the morning, with a dear friend and with no man by your side: here is what happens...

(with Tonette at Coffeebreak-JP)

Two bitter, heartbroken women
sat by a tree.
Everyone around them seems to be
happy.
Three lovers annoyingly paired
Of the sweetest emotion
they were the only ones spared.
Sipping foamy capuccino
and creamy latte,
Eyes wandering,

their hearts-

each asking:

why love isn't with
me?

i can be the famine or the feast

silverscreen on my mind

"I have felt alone all my life, except with you..."

-Lucilla to Maximus, Gladiator

Perhaps, the lines were memorized.

Memories in dimlight were never tarnished,
even if it is being gone over
a million times.
The scenes were viewed in the mind, frame...
by frame.
For many years, this had been
the only way.

Call this a stroke of luck
or a conspiration of destiny,
it is still
a rare chance to have - for both.

(Thank you Diane for your photography and eye for beauty. I fell in love with this picture immediately.)

friendship

And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.


-Kahlil Gibran

gladiator

"I have not forgotten your face,

I still remember your hands;

how did your lips feel on mine?"

Recalling.

As of now that is all i could count on. But I am elated by the long stored love. All the while, I thought I was only assuming. Cried tears in silence, hoping I could set it aside. Nobody knows it, but me. Just like the knight that you are, you knocked me over.

You have traveled far, fought your battles and conquered sand castles. Here I am left battling my own fears, too. We were made beautiful by fate and distance.

I will see your armor, shining from afar.