someone else

"What if the person you loved became someone else?"
-Possession, 1999

Scary.

Whether it be someone else better or someone else worst. The thought of change is something that one should stand up to when loving - because everyday it happens, and it happens from moment to moment.

What would you do if he adores you now and turns his head the minute the girl next door passes by? What would you think if he gives you only one long stemmed rose from supposed to be a dozen boquet? What would you feel if he's crazy about you and suddemly talks about how the past has made you so inadequate.

Even anticipation could not spare youu from hurting especially when you need security instead. Even knowing the person you love does not guarantee that when these changes happen it is going to be pain-free. No wisdom can shield you from the rocks that will fall upon you, nor could it hold you from falling on those sharp ones.

Change, though, should not make you love less. You can decide to persist. Unless...

you look into his eyes and see someone else.

desiderata

i am back. and i want to be back for good. i have missed my blog and so much about writing.

this is what led me home:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

un-sober

i had another cup of strong americano. gracie and i went to enjoy some booze after work. both of us just got a little groggy but we were not able to obtain the drunken-ness that we are dying to achieve. we did not talk a lot because we were both preoccupied by the thoughts why we end up wanting beer instead of sleep. for the first time in months, i did not head directly home.

well, this is not an ordinary day...because we are dealing with a not so ordinary pain.

the pain of insecurity.

sorry, i could not extract more.

roll call

for the past two months, i had been busy with my new job. i moved to new company and it means the big "A" - - - adjustment. I had no more time to read and write. the only thing that i could do when i get home is turn on the computer and hit my play list and doze off to dreamland.

everything is doing fine and looking forward that its gonna be great in a matter of time.

meanwhile, evrything's simply easy.

the queen

THE QUEEN
by Pablo Neruda

I have named you queen
There are taller ones than you, taller.
There are purer ones than you, purer.
There are lovelier ones than you, lovelier.

But you are the queen.

When you go through the streets
no one recognizes you.
No one sees your crystal crown, no one looks
at the carpet of red gold
that you tread as you pass,
the nonexistent carpet

And when you appear
all the river sound
in my body, bells
shake the sky,
and a hymn fills the world.

Only you and I,
only you and I, my love,
listen to it.

eyes wide shut

Insomnia attacks. Lately, I had been battling with awaken-ness. I could hardly sleep.

I miss the times that the moment lay my head on the pillow, I easily drift into slumber. Is it me or is it the bed?

Whatever.

Even the weekends are filled with running thoughts that are not worth the chase.

I wish to wake up from being awake.

missed tech girl

Oh my! I thought it will be forever. Finally, I was able to write again.
I had been a bum for two weeks...deprived myself of the web. I guess I had the time of my life to take off from the world first.

I have new job. Stricter than the previous...no internet access. Just the tools being used for the operations...very limiting...but i have to put my heart into it. Frustrating because I failed my first exam, but that was it. No second takes, but there is still tomorrow to come, anyway.

:-( I miss my friends...blogging, Friendster, Facebook and the free coffee.

This would just do for now.

cindy on the loose again

I have enjoyed.

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