rising star

All the while I thought, only women are so fond of gossips. But I was proven wrong by four d***kheads in my workplace. Why do they have to pry so much about my life when I don't even care about theirs? They must hate me so much, because I choose non-faggots. Perhaps it is their way to feed their children and buy their women and men clothes. How aweful...all their lives, they had to sell their goodness to survive.

Oh, these desperate wannabe's rely on the illusion and comfort that drugs could provide. That's why I became a controversy. To them, i am a shining star.

Sorry, boys. I prefer men with dollar accounts.

stealing Casanova

By the fair leather he sits,
deep in his thoughts.
Numbering his countless conquests
in bewilderment and steamy nights.

Late in the afternoon
I loved him in candid.
His strides - took control
of the world, of my heart.

More than power, more than wealth
his nose in its aquiline tilt;
Bashing lashes and gentle words
so perfect a timing when he held
my hand.

He posed to be only a quarter
of the man that I dream
But with the crunch in his laughter,
I become his concubine.

He lives his record
of twenty women kept
in twenty apartments,
and here i am:

aiming to dwell in twenty-first.

How i wish he speaks in French
or something more foreign
so that i will fail to hear
the hypnosis of his sweet talk.

But he speaks my language
and sings my song before me.
Availed himself for my grasp
when all else is dark and the road
seemed endless.

Even if I curl myself into a ball,
He would seduce, tease and tantalize
but leave me in torment

for this Casanova
will never be mine.

stealing Casanova

By the fair leather he sits,
deep in his thoughts.
Numbering his countless conquests
in bewilderment and steamy nights.

Late in the afternoon
I loved him in candid.
His strides - took control
of the world, of my heart.

More than power, more than wealth
his nose in its aquiline tilt;
Bashing lashes and gentle words
so perfect a timing when he held
my hand.

He posed to be only a quarter
of the man that I dream
But with the crunch in his laughter,
I become his concubine.

He lives his record
of twent women kept
in twenty apartments,
and here i am:

aiming to dwell in the twenty-first.

How i wish he speaks in French
or something more foreign
that i will fail to hear
the hypnosis of his sweet talk.

But he speaks my language
and sings the song before me.
Availed himself for my grasp
when all else is dark and the road
seemed endless.

Even if I curl myself into a ball,
He would seduce, tease and tantalize
but leave me in torment
For this Casanova will
never be mine.

dreaming of distant comfort

This had been another rough day. I woke up as early as 6.30 am and had been awake ever since. It's Monday, and as usual, it was manic. I had to toss whatever I could pull out from the closet into my tote. I had to bring some clothes to the pad because I am anticipating a really hectic work week.

I was correct. Monday, indeed, started busy. I had a lot to cope with, since I just came from a one-week escapade. So i have to face the consequences of my absence. I am praying that tomorrow everything will be alright.

Boracay, is it too far away?

agony has no color except black and white

All doubts confirmed.

They are real and not just crocodiles on my mind. They are women who took him away from me and left me miserable and so much bitter now. I am not afraid to admit that my invincible heart is bleeding. I do not want to doubt the words, "I love you."

I believed in everything he said. But, there he was with her, holding her hands while watching the movie that I long to watch with him. He texts her lovely quotes and caring lines, while I get cursed and maligned. He went to church with her, while I had been asking him countless of times to at least pray with me. Perhaps, he makes sure she is home safe and I get to trudge dark sidewalks, almost drowning in my fears - alone.

Many nights, I lay in our bed smelling only what is left of his soiled shirt. While she gets to have him whole, and maybe, all night long. Often, I have to beg for kisses and embraces, while he might voluntarily give a warm hug when they are in some cold, dark place. All those nights, I am killing my dreams.

No happy childhood memory could serve comfort to my wailing heart.

misses

I missed blogging! It had been quite a while. Of course, I went somewhere...hehehe! I just had a little break from work and enjoyed post holiday shopping.

Soon to blog more!

"hush now... dear Marie," says unfortunate me

It's cold. I cannot stay long in my terminal because of the cold. Although, I've got my denim jacket, I am still chilling. I would rather stay out there in the lobby where it is a little warm and smoky.

For the past two days, I have been feeling skeptical. Not only feeling. In fact, advocating skepticism. Is it a hangover of the season, or I just could not accept entirely, that again, I am being taught my lesson the hard way.

Pehaps, I needed a little warmth - little reassurance that I am being loved and somehow not being denied, even to people who already know.

Marie and were talking about some uncertainties. I am so sorry my dear friend. I didn't mean to be so mean, and leave you hopeless. I should be telling you that on Sunday, you are going to be alright. But instead, I have been blurting out my own hurts and disappointments. It just so happened that we have the same, "different" plight. It is me who's currently being disillusioned.

We are both afraid of the same things - to be laughed at when left. Simply because when we pledged our so-called love, we are so proud of it. And it was a good thing that Hec, too, is proud of your relationship. He never claimed that he is single when you are around. :-( It was never a one-way honor.

My dear friend, it's not gonna be long and all of these will come to rest. Though Sunday holds a possible misfortune, just think about those kisses and embraces amidst the crowd. You have all the reason to hold on.

Just two steps behind, girlfriend!

drink moderately

"To see the best side of others is a great gift."
-St. Marie Eugenie Milleret, Foundress of the Assumption

From silence, I have learned so much. It taught me things that I need not hear. My new year was quiet - but i did not miss the fireworks.

This year has a lot to offer, but what have I got for the year? Give up smoking? I have given that up...well, somehow I still steal intimate moments with the butt. C'mon, total abandonment is never easy. Be a vegetarian? I don't want to be a hypocrite, but i am no herbivore. Of course, I try. I will never give up on something that would be beneficial to my health. How about shopping? With the scarcity of time and funds, that would leave me choiceless. Had that change of heart long before my five-figure monthly income dropped down to four.

Perhaps, take it easy on myself. Be less stringent with myself and do not expect that I could change the unchangeable...like, give up after three trials. Be a little late, and do not wait in vain for those who always are. Keep being apathetic to those who does not, in anyway, contribute a little to my life. Have started it before the end of the year, so I just have to carry it on. Don't try too hard. Do what I got to do and stop going the extra mile, its just tiresome.

Been striving for excellence since time immemorial. Unreasonable, though. There are only a few gifted people who could have a hint of my best. Everyone's trudging the sidewalk. I better join them, too.

Love in a safe mode. Whew! This one I have to hit my real stubborn heart - real hard.